Monday, October 29, 2007

2007-08 NBA Preview: Western Conference

Overview: They just handed out the last ring at the Spurs' bling ceremony. Will they be having another one this time next year? I say no. They win every other year. I see Phoenix toppling them in May. And then I see Amare and KG clashing for the chip in June.


1. Dallas Mavericks. Are the Lakers demanding Dirk for Kobe? Or only Devin Harris and Josh Howard? I don't know. Either the way, they're better off. But if all LA wants is the latter platter? Kobe is a better defender than Josh Howard when he doesn't have to do all of the scoring (Remember the title years with Shaq? He was as good as anybody on that end, and on a night-to-night basis, too.) As much as I like Devin Harris, he's still played the majority of his games as a reserve, and they'd still have Jason Terry. Kobe would answer all of their heart/toughness/crunchtime questions, and take the pressure of being Batman away from Dirk (who's probably better off as Robin). Terry, Kobe, Devean George, Dirk, Diop, Dampier and Stack off the bench? Put them down for 65 wins and the fantastic scenario of seeing David J. Stern pretend to smile as he hands Cubes the Larry O.

Mitch Kupchak traded Shaq to Miami in a deal that didn't include Flash; so it stands to reason that he'd trade Kobe to Dallas for a package sans Dirk. The dealbreaker? Not even Mitch is smart enough to trade Kobe in-conference. At least I don't think he is. I wouldn't put anything past him.

More than likely, Dallas will go to bat with what they have, which might get them 60-plus wins again but still no title.

2. San Antonio Spurs. Not much neeeds to be said here. They're the same as always. Best run organization in basketball.

3. Houston Rockets. Why is it that everyone thinks Steve Francis is washed up? Why? I mean, sure, he had a couple down years. And yeah, maybe he's not the same cat that started alongside Kobe on two All-Star teams? But...was it that long ago that he was the cat that started along Kobe on two All-Star teams? Was that four years ago or fourteen years ago? Is he 30 or 40? Just three years ago, he averaged 21.3 points, 5.8 rebounds, and 7.0 assists for Orlando in 78 games. Then he struggled adjusting to a reduced role as God's Man Child's continued to improve and grab a bigger hold of the rein's, got traded to New York where everybody is f----d up, had a poor run there (what did you expect, they already had Steph, that was never gonna work), got dealt to Portland in the Zach Randolph deal, then got bought out becuase they're trying to go with a total youth movement and already have Jarrett Jack, then signed with re-signed with Houston, where he would've been the perfect third option behind Mac and Yao.

Instead, he's not even gonna crack Rick Adelman's rotation because Skip, Mike James, and Luther Head have "played a lot better" (Adelman's words). F--k that. Preseason don't mean s--t. Just give him the job for Christ sakes. He shouldn't have to earn the job in preseason. We already know what Steve Francis can do.

(Then again, If he's played poorly enough that three guys have jumped ahead of him in the rotation, maybe he is washed up. I just find it hard to believe, considering he hasn't had any major injuries or anything like that. It would be extemely odd if he really were tarnished goods already.)

4. New Orleans Hornets. I like this team. They were only three games out of the final playoff spot last year, and that was with significant time missed by their three best player: CP3 (-18 games), David West (-30 games), and Peja (a whopping -69 games). I could see Chrissy going for a 20-10 this year; he's that good. And you gotta love Tyson on the boards. But I see G-State getting better, also, and as long as Kobe still plays for the Lakers (which he still does as of this very moment) and Phil Jackson is still their head coach, they will make the playoffs. They will. That makes N'awlins no. 9.

Sorry, Byron.

5. Memphis Grizzlies. Nah.


1. Phoenix Suns. This may be their last chance. They'll make the most of it.

2. Golden State Warriors. They've had a full season under Nellie. They've got great chemistry. They've got the best home-court advantage in the league. Baron took it to another level in the playoffs last year (25 points, 6 dimes, 3 swipes a night on 51 percent shooting), and under the continued tutelage of Nellie (the man behind Tim Hardaway and Steve Nash) could be poised for an MVP-type season (if he stays healthy, of course). They moved J-Rich, who really didn't fit in with them anymore despite a strong playoff showing, and replaced him with rookie sharpshooter Marco Belinelli. Stephen Jax is a really good NBA player; he brings them toughness and gutsm kind of like NVE did for Nellie in Dallas. Big Al is back, as are Monta (thank God), Pietrus, Matty Barnes from UCLA, and Biedrins, who brings some semblance of defense/rebounding.

This is the coolest basketball team since the 2002 Clips, SLAM favorites, a bunch of black guys (Brand, Odom, Q, D-Miles back when he still wasn't old enough to drink and everyone thought he was the next KG, Maggette, and McInnis) and one Token White Guy (Pike, who was that team's Biedrins) that played glorified pickup ball. Like that Clips team, they play the kind of basketball any young black man can relate to. They're like Rucker Park meets the NBA. I got them down for Fiddy wins this year.

3. Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe Bryant is their best player and Phil Jackson is their head coach. Until that changes, they are a playoff team. There's no way a team with that combination could ever not crack the Top 8. It's an impossibility. I'm not a psychic and I don't know if Kobe's gonna be traded or not, or when he'll be traded if he is. I'm basing this off of their current status.

4. Los Angeles Clippers. No EB, no Shaun Livingston, and Sam Cassell is in his early-70s. It ain't happenin'.

5. Sacramento Kings. Phil Jackson's response to new Queen head coach Reggie Theus imposing a team curfew. "Wow. Good luck, Reggie. Way to start out on the right foot."


1. Denver Nuggets. It looks like George Karl is gonna be starting J.R. Smith at the two this year. I've liked Smith since the first time I saw him, three years ago as a rook with New Orleans, when he showed off a sweet stroke in a home game against the Lakers. Paired with A.I. and 'Melo, he'll be part of the league's highest scoring trio this year. Camby, the league's reigning DPOY, mans the boards and redirects orange flying objects; but can he stay healthy for the second year in a row? This is the question. Nene brings some low-post scoring off the pine. But the key is K-Mart. When he's healthy, he brings toughness, athleticism, a verifiable scoring threat and big game playoff experience. He's been to the Finals twice and knows what it's like to perform well under and win in intense, pressure situations. A.I. made people respect them; K-Mart could be their Rasheed Wallace, the guy who pushes them from good to great. If he can return to the level he had risen to at the end of his Jersey years, they'll compete with the best in the West. If not, this is a 50-win team that won't make it past Mother's Day.

2. Utah Jazz. They need to move Kirilenko, not just because he's a crybaby and Sloan's not gonna be able to be nice to him for long, but because he's out of position at the three and would be more valuable to another team, where he can go back to the big forward spot and start wreaking havoc again (and stop crying). Whether he stays or goes, the Jazz will be at least as good as they were last year and maybe better, depending on how well second-year man Ronnie Brewer plays. The Jazz are here to stay.

3. Portland Trailblazers. Man, that Oden injury really sucks. We should be watching him going up against Timmy right now.

4. Minnesota Timberwolves. If this were the NCAA, they'd stomp through March Madness.

This, however, is not the NCAA.

5. Seattle Supersonics. Prediction: Kevin Durant's scoring average will exceed the team's win total.

Projected conference finish and record in parentheses:

1. Phoenix 61-21
2. Dallas 60-22
3. San Antonio 57-25
4. Denver 54-28
5. Houston 54-28
6. Utah 50-32
7. Golden State 50-32
8. L.A. Lakers 43-39
9. New Orleans 42-40
10. L.A. Clippers 32-50
11. Memphis 31-51
12. Portland 28-54
13. Sacramento 27-55
14. Minnesoata 22-60
15. Seattle 20-62

Eastern Conference Semifinals:

Boston over Cleveland; Detroit over Chicago (not yet, Chi-Town)

(I know this doesn't really reflect my East preview, but I'm allowed to change my mind. I have that right. Anyways, the end result...

Western Conference Semifinals:

Phoenix over Dallas; San Antonio over Dallas

Eastern Conference Finals:

...stays the same.)

Boston over Detroit

Western Conference Finals:

Phoenix over San Antonio


Phoenix over Boston (Sorry, Kev, Phoenix just has too many horses)

All-NBA First-Team

G Steve Nash
G Kobe Bryant
F LeBron James
F Kevin Garnett
C Amare Stoudemire

All-NBA Second-Team

G Baron Davis
G Paul Pierce
F Dirk Nowitzki
F Tim Duncan
C Yao Ming

MVP - Kevin Garnett
ROY - Kevin Durant
DPOY - Tim Duncan
SMOY - Leandro Barbosa
MIP - Andrew Bogut
COY - Don Nelson
EOY - Danny Ainge

Sunday, October 28, 2007

2007-08 NBA Preview: Eastern Conference

Overview: The Celtics have Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Kevin Garnett. That's all you need to know about the East this year.


1. Boston Celtics. Danny Ainge suddenly turned into a genius this summer, nabbing a seven-time All-Star and a Future Hall-of-Fame big man to come play with P To The Second Power. Then, he used the remaining cap space to fill out the roster with proven veteran specialist: Eddie House (the gunner, instant offense off the bench), James Posey (the defender), and Scot Pollard (the scrappy rebounder/hustler). Also, Tony Allen, who was showing signs last year before a knee injury ended his season (11.5 points, 1.5 steals in 33 games) is back and poised to contribute. Maybe Rondo isn't a true point guard, but he has the potential to be a force defensively (1.6 steals in only 23.5 minutes a night as a rookie last season) and seriously, all he has to do is get the ball past half-court; the big boys will take care of the rest. And maybe Kendrick Perkins sucks, but if he can't get 10 points a game on a team where NOBODY is going to paying attention to him, he should be excommunicated. And maybe Bill Simmons is down on Doc, but just remember, seven years ago he coached an Orlando team with Darrell Armstrong, John Amechi, and Chucky Atkins as his big three and somehow managed to get them to a .500 record in winning Coach of the Year; now, he's got one of the very best pure scorers in the league, one of the top three shooters of all-time, and one of the best all-around big men of all-time. 23 combined All-Star selections in 32 combined seasons, all three still at or near their respective primes, all three happy to be playing with the other two and hungry (starving) for a championship. The East will belong to them.

2. New Jersey Nets. Jason Kidd, like Wee-bey, is solid as a rock. They locked up Vince. They added Magloire. Youthful energy (Marcus Williams, Antoine Wright, Sean Williams) a shooter (Nachbar) and a selfless role player coming off the bench (Jason Collins Twin). If Kristic can come back from that torn ACL (he was having a breakout year last year before the injury, 16 and 7 on 53 percent shooting) and Rich Jeff can avoid the injury that's been biting him these past few years (80 games missed over the last three seasons), this is Boston's most serious challenger.

3. Toronto Raptors. Chris Bosh, at 23, may already be a better offensive player than Jermaine O'neal ever was. His next move is to step it up defensively by boosting those paltry block numbers (only 1.3 a game last year, a disgrace for someone with his height, length, and athleticism). Also, Andre Bargnani is the next Dirk Nowitzki; look for a 17-6 from him this year. Brian Collangelo knows what he's doing here. Toronto fans, you're in good hands.

4. New York Knicks. Seriously, do you really need Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph? Isn't that almost like having Steve Francis and Stephon Marbury? And why take minutes away from David Lee? SI has them finishing sixth in the East this year. I don't see it.

5. Philadelphia 76ers. Iggy is the closest thing to Scottie Pippen since Scottie Pippen. Unfortunately, there's no Michael Jordan on this team.


1. Detroit Pistons. The worst thing that ever happened to this team was losing Larry Brown (and vice versa, but that's for another post), because he demanded that they play world-class defense and efficient offense, and he never let up. When he left, the intensity and sense of urgency and, maybe most importantly, the pride went with him. This isn't the same tough, gritty, never-rattle, never-crack defensive oriented team that we all respected, the one that made the Finals two years in a row and almost won consecutive titles. Did you see them get punked by LeBron in Game 5 of the East Finals last year? Would that have happened in 2005? Hell no. Sure, they'll get their 50-plus wins and another division crown, but they're no longer built for the playoffs. The style and mentality ain't the same, and the heart don't beat like it used to.

2. Chicago Bulls. I like Hinrich, I like Madison Square Gordon, and I really, really like Luol Deng, although I question how high his ceiling is since he's not a super-athlete. Ty Thomas has a chance to become K-Mart 2.0, and I think Noah will be a uniquely good big man on this level. But Ben Wallace is their best low-post scorer. Need I say more?

3. Cleveland Cavaliers. I see Danny Gibson having a strong year. I remember SI doing a piece on college basketball's best point guards three years ago, during his freshman year, and projected him as a future All-Star. Then he didn't get any better his sophomore year and fell to the second round of a weak draft. When I realized Cleveland had him, I remember thinking to myself, "What a steal!!!" (okay, I wasn't that excited), and then wondering why Mike Brown wasn't starting him over the likes of Eric Snow. Then, in the playoffs against Detroit, he made a name for himself with his outside shooting against Detroit. And I called it!!! I knew this kid could play!!! I knew he shouldn't have fallen so far in the draft!!! How can you go from future All-Star to second-rounder in a weak draft in the span of the year? Not to go all Simmons on you, but I guess I'm just smarter than the GM's.

Anyways, I don't think he's a future All-Star because I don't know if he's good enough of a distributor. Although if Cleveland ever becomes good enough and starts winning championships, I guess he could, similar to Tony Parker in San Antonio. You know, the coaches feel compelled to give great teams more than one All-Star. Alright, I'm going off on a tangent. The Cavs have two valuable role guys from last years team (Varejao and Pavlovic) that remain unsigned, and threaten to play overseas if their demands aren't met (and seriously, you should see their demands, they're ridiculous, these two must not want to play in the NBA again). Even if LeBron decides, "You know what, I want to win the MVP this year, I'm gonna tear through the league this season," and throws up a 33, 8, and 8, it still won't be enough to get them back to the Finals if Boston stays healthy.

4. Milwaukee Bucks. I'll pass, thank you.

5. Indiana Pacers. Maybe this will convince the legend the Legend to finally trade J.O. and officially begin the rebuilding process. The window for a championship is closed, they put a lock on it, they threw away the key, nobodies been inside since Artest was traded. Time to blow the house to smithereens and start over.


1. Washington Wizards. I think if they were to get a true point guard and move Gilbert to the two where he belongs, they'd get most out of his potential as an individual and the most out of the team. I'd just like to see what would happen.

2. Miami Heat. Adding Ricky Davis helped, but even with D-Wade kicking ass 100% by Christmas, it won't be nearly enough. At least they got their championship already.

3. Orlando Magic. Boston took their playoff spot.

4. Charlotte Bobcats. Uh-oh, Money is making up for all the stupid moves he made in Washington. The J-Rich swipe was absolutlely shrewd, that was just what they needed. He could go for 25 a game this year. Still not enough to crack the top 8, but they're getting closer.

5. Atlanta Hawks. You know who still sucks though? The Hawks.

Projected conference finish and record in parentheses:

1. Boston 55-27
2. Detroit 53-29
3. Chicago 51-31
4. Wahington 46-36
5. Cleveland 50-32 (Come on, they have LeBron)
6. New Jersey 49-33
7. Toronto 47-35
8. Miami 45-37
9. Orlando 43-39
10. New York 37-45
11. Charlotte 35-47
12. Milwaukee 32-50
13. Atlanta 30-52
14. Pacers 29-53
15. Philadelphia 28-54

Back with the West preview tomorrow or the next day, I got mid-terms this week comin' up.

Friday, October 12, 2007

NBA Season Preview

This amazing organization and team will finally repeat.

The 2007-2008 Season begins tommorow!!

Athlon Sports does it like this. I might as well do it too.
(Estimating Win-Loss records are too dang frustrating)
* Means Playoff team

Eastern Conference

1. Boston * - Loaded, and they will show it.
2. Toronto * - Chris Bosh Chris Bosh Chris Bosh
3. New Jersey* - Banged up, but they got JKidd
4. New York - Well, look who coaches them.
5. Philadelphia - I heard they asked Julius Erving to come out of retirement.

1. Detroit * - Their roster remains full of depth, defense, and determination.
2. Chicago * - Up and rising, with a lot of playoff punch.
3. Cleveland * - Barely a playoff team in my eyes, LeBron will make them a playoff team.
4. Milwaukee- Michael Redd will shoot till his arms fall off.
5. Indiana - I heard they asked Marc Jackson and Reggie Miller to come out of retirement.

1. Miami * -Just because of the addition of Ricky Davis, they have a healthy scorer.
2. Washington *- Healthy and ready to go, the Triple Threat (Gil, Caron, and Jamison) are coming.
3. Orlando- D Howard and Rashard Lewis should help their chances at the playoffs.
4. Charlotte- Jason Richardson might hate this place. So much going for them though. With JRich, G Wall, and Emeka Okafor, they could be a major problem for teams.
5. Atlanta- Lots of young talent. I don't think they need Dominique Wilkins... just yet.

Western Conference

1. San Antonio * Wow they are old, but they get it done.
2. Houston * If healthy, Stevie Franchise, T-Mac, and Yao will blast off.
3. Dallas * Dirk.. just rebound a bit.. play D a bit.. and maybe you could get a ring.
4. New Orleans- Chris Paul will pass, and many will score. Too many good teams in the West though.
5. Memphis- I think they just need Pao Gasol to play well. Conley too. This team is too new to have anybody ever retire with this team.

1. Utah * - Deron Williams played with Team USA this summer. Enough said.
2. Denver * - If they outscore everybody enough, they just might make the playoffs!
3. Portland - Bill Walton on the line waiting.. Dang Greg Oden WHY!!!
4. Seattle - Kevin Durant will show how great he is. Among rookies.
5. Minnesota- Oh boy. Maybe they can give Kevin Mchale a jersey? Just. A thought.

1. Phoenix* Dominant in their division, not so much in the west playoff. *Hint (SAS and HOU)
2. L.A. Lakers * Kobe is on the team.
3. Golden State * Their agressive, physical run-and-gun style, along with Baron Davis, gives them that playoff spot.
4. Sacramento- They need help, but the got a lot of good players.
5. L.A. Clippers- They just need Elton Brand.

East Conference Finals- Boston over Detroit
West Conference Finals- San Antonio Over Houston

NBA Finals- San Antonio over Boston

Finals MVP- Manu Ginobili (SAS)
MVP- Kevin Garnett (BOS)
Rookie of the Year- Kevin Durant (SEA)
6th Man of the Year- Manu Ginobili (SAS)
Coach of the Year- Doc Rivers (BOS)
Most Improved - Andrea Bargnani (TOR)
Comeback Player- Kenyon Martin (DEN)
Executive of the Year- Danny Ainge (BOS)
Defensive Player- Bruce Bowen (SAS)

All NBA 1st Team

C- Yao Ming (HOU)
F- Kevin Garnett (BOS)
F- Lebron James (CLE)
G- Kobe Bryant (LAL)
G- Steve Nash (PHX)

All NBA 2nd Team

C- Tim Duncan (SAS)
F- Dwight Howard (ORL)
F- Tracy McGrady (HOU)
G- Ray Allen (BOS)
G- Gilbert Arenas (WAS)

Rookie Team

C- Al Horford (ATL)
F- Al Thornton (LAC)
F- Brandan Wright (GS)
G- Kevin Durant (SEA)
G- Mike Conley Jr. (MEM)

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Water wets Trojans

This photo isn't from last night's game, but it might as well be.

As we await Kane's bogus response to the most recent debate offering, USC's damning habit of playing down to the level of their competition caught them and bit them in the ass tonight, as they lost at home to Stanford, 24-23. It's USC's first loss at the Coliseum since Sept. 29, 2001. Credit this loss to the second straight weekend of ineptitude from John David Booty. He threw four picks, two at the absolute least desirable moments in the game, on USC's final two drives. One with a seven point lead that gave Stanford the ball at the 50 and led to the game-winning touchdown, and the other on their last offensive play of the game. I only watched the last five minutes of the game, but during that time he faced some serious heat from a suddenly stalwart Cardinal defense that had given up 45 points a game previous to tonight. The O-line, normally a strength, struggled down the stretch. And for that defense to give up 45 points to Stanford...LSU would have held them scoreless.

I guess you can see where I'm going here. I know I'm supposed to give Stanford props for winning the game or whatever, but f--k that; this is about Southern Cal. I almost don't feel right criticizing USC for losing a game because seriously, they rarely ever do. But over the last three seasons, the Trojans have developed frustrating tendency of playing like a 1-3 team whenever they play a team that really is 1-3 (like, por ejemplo, tonight, against 1-3 Stanford). The last Leinart/Bush/White team started it; there were a couple of games in 2005 when they would come out in the first and fall behind, then come out in the second half, turn on the jets and win the game (best example being against Arizona State that year, when they were down 21-3 at the break then came out and outscored the Sun Devils 35-7 in the final two quaters). Of course, that was nothing for them to do; they were completely unstoppable. They probably needed to put themselves at that disadvantage in order to get themselves interested in the game. Still, though you would've liked to have seen them come right out the gate and rip the other team's heart out from the start.

Last year's team underwent a facelift and was inexperienced, but they were still extemely talented, ranked #3 in the preseason. Yet during one three game span last year, they beat WASU, Washington, and ASU by 6, 6, and 7 points, respectively. Inexcusable.

Last week, they narrowly beat an overmatched Washington club, 27-24. Tonight, the fire that seem to play everytime they face a lesser team left them with third-degree burns.

Sorry, but I don't feel even the least bit sorry for them. They got what they deserved. Perhaps Pete Carroll, as great as he is, deserves some flak for allowing his team to play without a sense of sense of urgency against an inferior team once again.

This isn't a perfect team; they lack a true No. 1 receiver, their quarterback sometimes seems unsure of himself and always rattles under adversity (there's a statement you never heard about Leinart), and their defense, hailed as potentally one of the best ever by experts this preseason, has allowed 102 points through five games (by comparison, LSU, the only defense in the land with comparable talent, has allowed only 56 through 6 games against much stiffer competition).

But it's still the most loaded in all of college football. And when they face a foe whom they deem to be formidable, they are unstoppable: In the Booty era, they have faced six top-20 teams, beating them by an average score of 35-17. Carroll's goal going forward is to implore his team to play with the same intensity against Arizona that they play with against Nebraska, or else any remaining dreams the Trojans have of making it to New Orleans this January will soon turn into pipe ones.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Argument #3

HBO: Original Programming at it's best.

I'm a newcomer to premium cable. Long, long time ago, only a few channels existed in my reality. You know the usual suspects: CBS, NBC (home of the NBA Finals *world-famous NBA on NBC theme music plays in head), ABC, FOX, and UPN. Then you had your local channels: KTLA and KCAL, respective homes of late legendary SoCal newscasters Harry McCormick and Jerry Dumphrey ("From the desert to the sea and all of Southern California, a good evening.") I mean, whatever. Those days sucked. Luckily, I was still a young lad back then, still had that youthful exubrance about me, so I would go outside, run around, ride a bike, hit a ball, and what have you.

Then I got the basic cable. Suddenly, I had MTV and BET; I had ESPN and FSN; I had USA and TNT. And life was good.

(Post-post annex #1: Then I upgraded to digital. Life was excellent.)

But it would get better. Much better. In early June of this year, in a direct response to the series finale of The Sopranos, I subscribed to HBO. Five months later, I'll argue to anyone who'll listen that it's the greatest channel of all-time. First, they brought you Oz. Then came The Sopranos and then The Wire, unequivocally the the two most well-crafted television programs ever, as well as the most influential, for several reasons that we'll touch on in a more in-depth column on the two shows in the near future. Last month, I discovered Curb Your Enthusiasm...funniest sitcom I've ever watched. How something so purposely absurd, pointless, and utterly ridiculous could be so hilarious is beyond me. Of course, this is a sports blog - they have that covered as well: HBO Boxing (nothing like Lampley and Merchant); Hard Knocks (thoroughly entertaining): Real Sports (the piece on dogfighting was excellent - there isn't a more informative sports show); Costas Now; and Inside the NFL. Their comedy (Chris Rock, Wanda Sykes, Bill Maher, etc.) and music specials (Jay-Z, Eminem, Justin Timberlake, etc.) are the best out there, and all of their documentaries are first-rate. Add that to the wide selection of movies, the soft (Witches of Breastwick, Busty Cops), hard (Real Sex), and hoftcore porn (that's in-between soft and hardcore - credit Tell Me You Love Me with inventing this new category of porn), and you've got a channel that can entertain you damn near 24/7. There's something for everybody. HBO is like the Marshall Faulk of television: it's the best all-purpose station ever.

(Post-post annex #2: And I didn't even mention Sex and the City or Entourage. *slaps forehead* How could I forget those two? This is what you're up against, Kane. An absolute monster.)

So Kane, your task is to try and convince our nonexistent readers that there's a better channel on TV than Home Box Office. I dare you, Kane. I f----n' dare you.